Finding My Voice

This is very much a "finding my voice" blog. I have been consumed by anxiety and the fear that I am an annoyance to other people, all the while pushing my insecurities into the faces of everyone around me by my endless conversation. This often makes me feel like a nag*. Now if you ask those who love me, I am sure most of them would say that they actually enjoy my crazy ramblings. But the funny thing about mental health and negative self-talk is that I still question whether they are telling me the truth and I am just so paranoid that I completely disrespect them by disregarding their reassurances AND/OR it is a self fulfilling prophesy whereby I share my insecurities, they become true and thus undermine my real strengths by emphasizing my character flaws. I lose with both of those options.

I see what I am doing now (that is, declaring my growth from a place of confidence) as a way for me to actually create my own source of strength. I'm taking control of my own success by tuning toward what is meaningful to me and maximizing on it. Through this blog, I am narrating my story from a reflective stance while using writing as a tool to formulate and process my ideas. I am fine-tuning what I believe, my perception of my experiences, and my communication of those ideas to others. I am developing my language to be more articulate and purposeful. Or, rather, I'm trying to....

And that is what I mean by this being a "finding my voice" blog.


*Perhaps I will write about my thoughts on "nagging" another time. In short, I observe it to be extremely gendered which ends up problematic for everyone, because it promotes the real behavior of nagging in women AND it dismisses the real issues voiced by women, particularly in intimate and romantic relationships. I am still forming my ideas about this, so they may change, but this is what I've seen to occur most often in the world around me.